to express my feeling is to express my sadness

Have you ever feel that after sometimes, when people kept hurting you,you feel nothing? some people may just shout out loud or getting all mad but I choose not to,I'd rather be in silence even though sometimes it cause me to feel like killing myself so that the pain would go away..in that thought I think that I'd rather die if that would make everyone happy and the pain disappear...call me a psycho but try to be in my shoes...People thought that I got so much that I dun have to search more, that I am happy with my life.But I know everyone have their little black book in their life. I just live my life as normal as I could.I wanted to make things easier for everyone that I hide my feelings, but still people think that I got something on that they pull themselves away from me.. Pain is not something that I can choose because every option that I have would lead to that pain.. If you think that there is a way from this, tell me..I've been longing to hear that from someone, to tell me that everything would be Ok and there will always be a way to make things right..Tell me..I need it..